Ordinary Miracles (severe ME week)

Today, for the first time in months, I have been able to put on some make up and leave the house. I had something to celebrate: my youngest has turned 5 today! I'm proud and grateful on a day like today. Proud of those 4 wonderful children who -each in his/her own way- make the world a better place and find their own unique path. Grateful and honored for being their mum. I still think it's a miracle, even though science can explain and downtalk it all: a baby is a miracle. Having (receiving!) children is a miracle, even when it happens millions of times a day, all over the world! And becoming a mother has been the greatest gift of my life. (Did you know I used to think I wouldn't be able to have any children? Even when I was very young, I was convinced I wouldn't ever be a mum. That's probably the main reason why I néver take my children -or ány children!- for granted).

When you're this severely ill, every minute you can spend with your kids is extra valuable. During flare ups, I go through terrifying moments, where I'm wondering if I will live through it. Or hów I will live through it (what if I stay in this flare up and go to the last, most severe state of ME/cfs? Then I won't be able to talk to my kids...do nothing....). When you struggle with these kind of problems, you realize even more how much your children mean to you.

All of that is in the back of my mind on a day like today, and the days before, when I'm preparing myself for a couple of hours of sitting at a birthday table and a piece of (store bought 😱!) birthday cake. This requires meticulous planning, by the way. It's a side of ME/cfs that not many people realize. It's something that lives in the heads and hearts of every severe ME patient: "How long will I be able to do this?" Because every flare up will cause an aggrevation. And with every aggevation, we will have to hand in an other piece of our lives. We loose a little every day!

But on the outside we look perfectly normal. I'm stil shocked how on earth that is even possible! Maybe that's a miracle too: the power of our body's. That will do everything necessary to keep us alive and try to follow in whatever we tell it to do. And it worked: I have been able to celebrate my dear son's birthday! And I hope and pray I'll be able to do that for many many many years to come!