Embracing Self - Music as a healing tool

Music is a very powerful tool in a healing process. But does it need to be a specific type of music? Strings, piano....437 MHZ, mantra's....??? .In today's blog I will share a piece of music that healed my heart. You might be surprised to find out what it was!

I believe illness is actually a healing process. I have to become whole again. (note: whole is not always the same as cured!!) So, part of my healing protocol is adressing my PTSD. (traumas). I do that with EMDR.
I must say, this technique has improved! Today was my second time with the modern approach (if you want to know more about EMDR just let me know, I will tell you  more about it later) and just like the session 3 weeks ago, my whole body joined in. It's a total release, with lots of trembling, tears, sobs, howling and snot everywhere, hahaha. 😭😂 But it feels soooo good to get it out of your system!!

But then it happened: on my way back in the taxi, the radio played Guns n Roses' November Rain. Uh oh... That triggered me. Not my traumas (I just worked on that), but the grief. The grief for a "lost childhood" (which ofcourse is never really lost). The grief of half a life spent in stress, coping strategies, not being true to my Self... And not being able to fully, totally embrace life. And embrace me, myself and I...

So here I was, in the taxi and I started crying! Just like that. At first I tried to hide it. But then I realized, I have hidden my pain long enough. And now I'm letting go of the pain, as a part of the past... I won't have to suffer from those old wounds anymore, I want to be able to be honest to myself. To not have to hide who I am and what moves me. Just be f* ing human! So... I just let my tears fall down. It was like I was leaking 😂 the driver looked at me, but didn't say anything about it. And that was great. I could just be in the moment, witness my body getting rid of old sh.... And when I got out of the car, I decided to dig up my old GNR CD and play this solo as loud as I could on my speakers. YESS!!!

Feeling the bass in my stomach, the guitar solo piercing my eardrums, the lyrics repeating over and over again... (don't you think that you need somebody, don't you think that you need someone, everybody needs somebody... You're not the only one, you're not the only one)... Feeling in total connection with the adolescent inside me...bowling my eyes out.... I felt every bit of old pain leave my body. Wow, now that's therapy!!! 😃

So... Now I will spend the next hours and days recuperating from this event. But man! Does that make you feel good!!!

Music is the best therapy tool there is... For sure.

So... For the rocklovers among you : here's my therapy tool. Go ahead: crank it up and let yourself go!

Mama Sanna 

Music: Guitar Solo in November Rain

Credits: Guns 'n Roses  from the album: Use Your Illusion II

Retreat: finding your balance

As nature prepares itself for winter, our bodies do the same. Or at least, they would, if we would let them 😉 There's nothing wrong with retreat....it's a totally natural thing to do. Life has a rythm. A natural rythm of going outwards and inwards, like our breath.

In nature, we see the trees' changing coulours. It's the outward sign of something that goes on within the tree itself: it retreats its juices, its life-essence, so to speak, to its roots. There it will remain until springtime. The tree will loose its leaves and will become "quiet"....The metabolism is slowed down during winter time....it's like it's sleeping, or maybe even death. But then there's spring: and everything starts moving again: the juices will flow through the tree, through the branches and will reach even the smallest ends. There new leaves will appear, and the tree is alive once more.

In our busy schedules, we tend to forget we're also part of nature. And this time of the year, when days are getting shorter, and temperatures drop, many people feel down. I feel that might be because we're fighting against our nature. Fighting against our bodies who feel like they want to retreat. Do an inward movement: just like we're literally forced to go in our houses (because of the rain, the cold, the darkness etc.), inside our bodies and psyche there's a similar movement taking place: of going inward. Retreat! Breathe in..... So we can breathe out again when spring comes.

The thing is: nowadays, we are expected to be "out there" all the time. We don't make a difference between the seasons. It's even worse: in wintertime we're supposed to shine. Like during the holiday season, right? The thing is however, that you can't always be jolly jumper....there is a time to shine, there is a time to retreat. Breathe in, breathe out... And if we don't give ourselves that, our bodies might just force us to do so.

That's all well said, ofcourse, and it would be fine if there wasn't a rent or mortgage to be paid, and schools were closed in wintertime, and all other appointments and responsibilities could be put on hold. But ofcourse, our society isn't made that way. So...how do you do it? How can you give your body what it needs, and still continue your normal everyday life?

living with a chronic condition actually helps me to find answers to that. And the main solution is: making choices! there's only so much you can do in a day. And that means you have to choose. And prioritize.... And how tempting it may be to put your job, your school, your chores, your appointments first...How about finding time to make yourself a priority every day too?

In the video below, I share my view on this. And as you may notice: in this video I'm out in the woods with my dogs. Enjoying the outdoors.... And ofcourse that takes a lot of effort for me at this moment. (as I am bedridden for 22 hrs a day). But that was my priority for that day. So I left other things (like a phone call to my friend) for another day. I knew a ride through the woods would energize me mentally. It was a gift to myself. And I gave my body its rest before and afterwards. But that was something I wanted to do for me. It was a choice.

The scales are the symbol of St. Michael, the patron of Autumn:
Balance is key in this time of the year...

And that's what it's all about: choices. Because with the right choices, we can balance our energy levels. We can find a balance between giving and receiving.....breathing in and breathing out. And that's not only necessary when you're coping with an illness. It's important for everyone of us.

So....what gives you energy? And what takes your energy? Are you aware of how many daily things (or persons) you encounter take your energy? Give you nothing in return? And how many are there, that nurture you? That make you feel more fulfilled, joyful? Wouldn't you like to bring more balance in to that?

Stress is the main cause of a lot of health problems. Allow yourself to rewind...to retreat.

Love,

Mama Sanna

Holding space

Real holistic living, means experiencing all things your life brings you, consiously. When I say "positive thinking" I'm talking about that holistic approach. To go through the emotions, both "good and bad" (what's good, what's bad?) that come with it. To embrace the circumstance that is presented to you at that moment in time, and all the feelings that come with it. 

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When you run passed that, you will not grow from that experience. It will have given you nothing. I don't believe that will work in the long run.

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So... Next time someone tells you he/she feels angry, down, sad or sick or scared... Let them talk about it. Hold space. It is the best thing you can do for each other.

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A wonderful article about avoiding the "bad things" in life (called spiritual bypassing) you can find here:

. https://humanparts.medium.com/the-danger-in-fake-positivity-and-spiritual-bypassing-c202040b8dd3

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#positivity #personalgrowth #friendship #lifecoach #life #heelgezond #heelgezondemama #wholeandhealthy #holisticliving #spirituality #holdingspace #friendship #relationships #connection

Ordinary Miracles (severe ME week)

Today, for the first time in months, I have been able to put on some make up and leave the house. I had something to celebrate: my youngest has turned 5 today! I'm proud and grateful on a day like today. Proud of those 4 wonderful children who -each in his/her own way- make the world a better place and find their own unique path. Grateful and honored for being their mum. I still think it's a miracle, even though science can explain and downtalk it all: a baby is a miracle. Having (receiving!) children is a miracle, even when it happens millions of times a day, all over the world! And becoming a mother has been the greatest gift of my life. (Did you know I used to think I wouldn't be able to have any children? Even when I was very young, I was convinced I wouldn't ever be a mum. That's probably the main reason why I néver take my children -or ány children!- for granted).

When you're this severely ill, every minute you can spend with your kids is extra valuable. During flare ups, I go through terrifying moments, where I'm wondering if I will live through it. Or hów I will live through it (what if I stay in this flare up and go to the last, most severe state of ME/cfs? Then I won't be able to talk to my kids...do nothing....). When you struggle with these kind of problems, you realize even more how much your children mean to you.

All of that is in the back of my mind on a day like today, and the days before, when I'm preparing myself for a couple of hours of sitting at a birthday table and a piece of (store bought 😱!) birthday cake. This requires meticulous planning, by the way. It's a side of ME/cfs that not many people realize. It's something that lives in the heads and hearts of every severe ME patient: "How long will I be able to do this?" Because every flare up will cause an aggrevation. And with every aggevation, we will have to hand in an other piece of our lives. We loose a little every day!

But on the outside we look perfectly normal. I'm stil shocked how on earth that is even possible! Maybe that's a miracle too: the power of our body's. That will do everything necessary to keep us alive and try to follow in whatever we tell it to do. And it worked: I have been able to celebrate my dear son's birthday! And I hope and pray I'll be able to do that for many many many years to come!