locked in

It is dark and quiet

I hear the beating of my heart

A reassuring sound, in te middle of a hurricane

In my brain it shakes, flashes, crackles and hums

My whole body is shaking with it

Every muscle, painfully trembling

I'm cold

The blanket hurts the tips of my toes

Get it of me!

Noone hears me

My breathing is slow

Too slow to my liking

My heart joins in

Beating strong in a slow motion

My muscles relax

The pain rises

My body's asleep and stopped moving

Hey! I'm still awake!

Noone hears me

the sleep gets even deeper

But I'm not with it

I want to get out

I feel my hand

But I can not move it

I want to shout

But my mouth keeps quiet and shut

I want  to sigh

But my breath is asleep

And I surrender...

I wait....

Untill my body will have a little bit

of energy to hand me back the steering wheel

How long will that last this time?

One hour? Two? A day?

Or will I never get out?

Don't go there...

Don't give way to fear

I want to scream

My mouth doesn't remember how

Drifting on waves of fear and surrender

I wait for the moment of liberation

One hour....one and a half...

When my hands and feet get warm

I know it's almost there

My body is waking up

And I...I feel beaten

A deep sigh, moving hands

My eyes and  ears made clear

Are you awake? My daughter asks

Sunny, cheery golden child

She has no clue of my trip to the Underworld

And I leave it that way...

Tears run down my cheeks

As I kiss her soft golden hair

Grateful that I still can

Sanna